Slayers of the Caribbean
by ShadowBallad
Summary: A take-off of POTC with the Slayers gang! It's our first fic, so please R&R! Chapter 5 up!
1. Fog Bound

Slayers of the Caribbean  
  
By Zel n Xel  
  
Yo, me hearties! This be a cross-over of Slayers and Pirates of the Caribbean. Here be the list of characters so ye know who's who. Arr!

**Will Turner**- Zelgadis Graywords; **Ragetti**-Valgaav; **Elizabeth Swan**-Amelia Seyruun

**Com. Norrington**-Zangulus; **Capt. Barbossa**-Hellmaster Phibrizzo; **Mr. Gibbs**-Eris

**Jack Sparrow**-Xellos; **Anna Maria**-Lina Inverse; **Governor Swan**-Prince Phil

**Pintel**-Gaav; **Dumb** **Soldier #1**-Gourry Gabriev; **Dumb Soldier #2**-Sylphiel

**Mr. Cotton**-Rezo; **Mr. Brown**-Filia; **Barbossa's first mate**-Martina Xoana  
  
DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, SLAYERS, OR ANYTHING RELATED TO EITHER OF THEM. ALL WE OWN IS THE IDEA...  
  
Chapter One  
Fog Bound  
  
The ship sailed through the icy waters of the Atlantic, wrapped in a dense and unnatural fog. A squeaky little voice sounded on the wind, singing a familiar tune...  
  
"Yo ho, yo ho, a justice freak's life for me!" Well...sorta familiar. Little Amelia stared out into the fog, singing her stupid little justice freak song happily. That is, until someone roughly grabbed her shoulder and scared her quite nicely into silence.  
  
"Shut up! Quit singing about justice, or we'll have loads of pirates on us proving that they're bigger than justice!" Eris commanded angrily, glaring at Amelia. Amelia's big blue eyes started to water and her lip quivered, but Eris was not affected by this attempt of cuteness.  
  
"Knock it off, Eris!" a voice commanded, causing Eris to now glare at Captain Zangulus, who looked quite annoyed with her bothering Amelia. Immediately the little girl smirked and made a face at Eris, who glared and pointed a finger at her in warning.  
  
"But captain, she was singing about justice! Do you wanna tell me something more annoying than that?!" Eris protested angrily as Amelia fumed behind her. Captain Zangulus rolled his eyes at them.  
  
"You BOTH are more annoying than anything at the moment!" he snapped, causing Amelia to gasp and Eris to glare even more.  
  
"But, I'm not annoying! I'm a cute little girl singing about justice happily in the gloomy fog!" Amelia protested. "How is that annoying?"  
  
Eris turned angrily to face the girl. "It's annoying enough to make me want to toss you overboard!" she screeched.  
  
"What-did-you-SAY!?" Amelia seethed, clenching her fists into tight balls and breathing quickly.  
  
"You heard me," taunted Eris, pulling down the bottom of her eyelid and sticking out her tongue. "Besides, you're too young to need a hearing aid!"  
  
With an unnaturally deep roar Amelia tackled Eris before the older woman could back away, and immediately all the sailors stopped their duties to watch the fist fight. Eris pulled Amelia's hair, who in turn kicked and punched every bit of Eris she could get her hands on.  
  
Suddenly Amelia pulled away from a chokehold and held up her hands, her eyes blazing with fire. "Now be prepared to be smitten with the Hammer of Justice!" she screamed. A hammer suddenly appeared into her clenched hands, with the words Hammer of Justice inscribed on the handle. Eris stared, wondering just where that hammer came from in the first place. "I now crush you in the name of Justice!" Amelia lifted the giant hammer above her head and prepared to bring it down on Eris, who stupidly sat there, waiting for the attack.  
  
"Huh?" Amelia jerked the hammer, but it was not coming down on Eris. And Eris was smiling, too. Why, how dare she smile in the face of justice! She tugged another time, yet no hammer fell. "The Hammer of Justice isn't working!" she exclaimed in anguish, then instantly turned her gaze to Eris. "Today you have been spared, but next time..." She trailed off as she looked up and saw her father's face looming above her, his hand stilling her Hammer of Justice.  
  
"And just what do you think you're doing, young lady?" asked Governor Phil as his daughter sweat dropped and smiled innocently up at him.  
  
"Nothing, Daddy! Just teaching a certain infidel to respect the power of justice!" she replied with a sweet voice. Phil's eyes began to water, and he burst into a huge grin.  
  
"That's my girl!" he exclaimed, lifting Amelia up onto his shoulder while striking a justice pose. Eris and Captain Zangulus both sweat dropped at this touching moment.  
  
From behind her the sailors began to gasp, and as Eris turned to see what they were gawking at instead of doing their work, she shrieked. Not just any shriek, mind. She emitted a sound so terrible and so devastating that any who heard it would cover their ears and quake in fear!  
  
"KNOCK IT OFF, ERIS!" Zangulus exclaimed. "Why are you yelping like a scared puppy?" He turned to face her, and was met with a horrible sight. Besides that of Eris cowering on the ground in fear clutching the nearest sailor's legs and making them extremely uncomfortable, that is.  
  
A once proud ship of the ocean was now sinking miserably into the dark depths, engulfed in flames! "What happened here!?" Zangulus exclaimed, gazing on the flaming ship in horror.  
  
Gov. Phil smacked his face. "I should think that it's extremely obvious what happened here!" he snapped, causing Zangulus to sweat drop.  
  
"Everybody always asks that when it's totally obvious, so I thought I'd give it a try..." the captain answered, twiddling his thumbs.  
  
"An act against the name of Justice had been performed here today!" Phil declared dramatically, swinging his arms around. "We will find the perpetrators and—"  
  
"Uh, Daddy, while you're busy talking about a burning ship and catching the evil people who committed this act against justice, there's an unconscious boy floating in the water!" Amelia chirped, pointing over the edge of the ship. Phil halted in mid justice speech and glanced down to where his daughter was pointing. Sure enough, floating on a wooden plank, there lay a boy!  
  
"Man overboard!" he cried out, drawing the eyes of the sailors from the ship to the boy below.  
  
"Boy overboard would be more accurate," noted Eris as the sailors fetched rope to lift him aboard. Phil cast her a withering glance that quickly shut her up.  
  
"Ack! The rope broke! Chains, CHAINS! He's so heavy!" the sailors exclaimed, drawing Phil's attention from Eris to them.  
  
"What are you talking about? There's no way a little boy can be heavy enough to break that rope!" he exclaimed.  
  
The sailors held up the busted rope. "Well look if you don't believe us!" they shouted as Phil regarded their evidence.  
  
"Ah, I see. Okay, bring in the chains!" he commanded as Zangulus and a sailor came running from below decks with a heavy chain between them.  
  
Instantly they threw the chain over the side of the boat into the water and promptly began heaving the boy aboard. "Pull men, put some strength into it!" Zangulus shouted as the sailors tried their best to lift the boy from the water.  
  
"Maybe you should help!" one shouted irritably, and after a moment's consideration Zangulus stepped in and grabbed a section of the chain.  
  
Ten minutes later the boy lay on the deck, surrounded by panting sailors and a very annoyed Zangulus. "Dammit! After all that work he's DEAD! Look, his face is totally BLUE!" the captain raged, kicking what he assumed to be a dead body. "OUCH!" He screamed as his foot met with the boy's leg, which was quite solid, for Zangulus was bouncing away with a broken big toe.  
  
Phil watched him with a look of disgust. "What's your problem?" he asked as the captain continued his pained bouncing.  
  
"He-feels-like-he's-made-of-rock!" Zangulus answered between squeals as he continued bouncing, cradling his foot in his arms. Suddenly he lost balance and collapsed in a twisted heap on the deck, squealing pitifully in pain.  
  
Eris laughed joyfully at this. "Now who's whimpering like a scared puppy?" she gloated as she strutted by, purposefully stepping on his injured foot. Zangulus's eyes popped ten times their normal size and a strange wailing sound came from his mouth.  
  
While this was taking place Amelia knelt down by the boy and tapped on his face. "He is made of rock, Daddy!" she exclaimed in surprise, continuing to tap on his face.  
  
"That's nice dear," Phil answered absently as he rushed over to the help the captain untangle himself.  
  
As Amelia continued happily tapping on the boy's face, suddenly one of his eyes popped open and scared her to death. "Do you mind?" he asked groggily. "I'm trying to sleep!" Amelia, recovered from the initial shock of having his eye pop open at her, merely blinked.  
  
"S...sleep?" she repeated, staring at his drenched clothes. "What do you mean, 'sleep?' You were floating in the water!"  
  
"No I'm not, I'm on...the...BOAT!" he exclaimed, catching sight of the fiery ship nearby. "That's the boat I was on! That's my boat! What? What!"  
  
Amelia calmly endured his brief tirade before the boy flopped back onto the deck, staring expressionlessly into the sky. "Boat...gone...no..." he muttered stupidly as Governor Phil, having heard his outburst, walked over to Amelia.  
  
"I thought he was dead," he said curiously as the boy continued to look up at the sky and mutter incoherent things about boats.  
  
Amelia shrugged. "He said he was trying to sleep," she replied. She noticed her dad was giving the boy a strange look. "Oh, don't worry, Daddy! He isn't retarded! He's just in shock about what happened to his boat!" she told him happily.  
  
"If you say so," Phil said, glancing doubtfully at the boy. "I'll send some help to bring him below deck. I want you to go with him, okay?"  
  
"Okay!" Amelia chirped as her father went to go fetch some sailors. She then turned back to the boy. "By the way, I'm Amelia. What's your name?" she asked politely, hoping that he would speak.  
  
"...It's Zelgadis..." he replied dully. "Zelgadis Graywords..."  
  
"Okay!" Amelia said, then she stared as he closed his eyes once again and lay still. "Uh, Zelgadis?" she asked, poking his face once again. When he failed to respond, she sighed and was about to turn away when a gleam caught her eye. Curiously she reached over and pulled a gold medallion from underneath his shirt. Excitedly she looked it over, noticing quickly the skull on the front.  
  
"You're a pirate?" she gasped, knowing that pirates were enemies of justice. Would she have to dump him back into the ocean to punish his evil ways? No. What if she had it all wrong and he wasn't a pirate and he was just wearing it for some strange reason?  
  
"Amelia!" her father called from behind, making her jump. She quickly tore the medallion from Zelgadis's neck and crammed it into her pocket before turning to face Phil.  
  
"Yes Daddy?" she asked sweetly, hoping he wouldn't notice the bulge in her dress.  
  
"They're ready to take him down below," Phil said as twenty sailors gathered around Zelgadis and attempted to lift him up. Eventually they managed to get him off the ground, but then were faced with the problem of actually moving him below decks. Amelia sweat dropped as they dropped him at least four times before finally managing to get him safely below deck.  
  
"Did he say anything while he was awake?" Phil asked as he watched the sailors make their way below.  
  
"Yes, Daddy!" chirped Amelia. "He said his name is Zelgadis Graywords."  
  
Governor Phil nodded and told her that he would be waiting for her below decks when she was ready to join him. She chirped "okay" after him and immediately brought out the medallion hidden in her pocket.  
  
"Pretty..." she said as she let it dangle from her fingers. Suddenly she noticed a faint image of a black ship with torn black sails floating nearby. As she watched the flag unfurled, and there in the breeze blew the skull and crossbones!


	2. Of Corsets and Swords

Thanks for the reviews, they made us VERY happy! To answer lynn's question, Gourry will be making an appearance soon! And thanks to Earth Star and Ichiban Victory for their reviews!  
  
An update on the cast of character list...being our oh so attentive selves, we forgot the following people until after watching the movie again...  
  
**Lt. Gilette**- Milgasia; **Twigg**- Zolf; **Bo'sun**- Rodimus  
  
Note: **Dumb Soldier #1** and **#2** now have names! Gourry is now **Murtogg** (AKA **Dumb** **Soldier #1**) and Sylphiel is now **Mullroy** (**Dumb Soldier #2**).  
  
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill...we own nothing...sniff  
  
Chapter Two

Of Corsets and Swords  
  
The skull and crossbones! dun Dun DUN! Amelia's eyes popped open and she sat up in bed, gasping in fear. Then she realized she had been dreaming, and that in fact she was now in her bed, not on a ship in the Atlantic Ocean. Her hand was outstretched for some apparent reason, and then she remembered: the medallion!  
  
Quickly she leapt out of bed, ripped the drawer out of her desk, emptied all its contents onto the floor and began frantically digging through the heap for the gold medallion. Finally she caught sight of it underneath a now-tattered book, and instantly fished it out from underneath the mess.  
  
"Victory!" she exclaimed, striking a justice pose. In her silky pink nighties. Wonderful, Amelia.  
  
Ignoring the fact that she was barely dressed, Amelia flew to her mirror and promptly placed the medallion around her neck. As she stood admiring the ghastly face on the medallion, there came a knock at door, causing her to leap ten feet into the air.  
  
"Amelia, are you awake?" came her father's voice from outside her room. Amelia sighed in relief that it was only her father, but then noticed her indecent clothing and screamed as the door began to open.  
  
"Daddy, no no NO! Don't come in yet!" The door stopped moving.  
  
"Are you okay, dear?" her father asked as Amelia dashed around in a panic, frantically searching for her robe. Two seconds later she found it and hastily threw it on as the door opened once again.  
  
"AHHH! DADDY! Can't you wait!?" she exclaimed as her father and two maids entered the room. The only answer she received was the opening of the window and the blinding sunlight pouring into her room.  
  
"DAAADDDDY! I'm not dressed yet!" she screamed, snatching her blanket from the bed and draping it around herself.  
  
"Of course you're not, dear!" her father responded merrily, as Amelia sweat dropped. "I have what you're going to wear right here!" Saying this, he then, with great flourish, pulled a beautiful white dress with pink flowers out of a box. "Ta da! A lovely gift for my even lovelier daughter!"  
  
Amelia squealed with delight, forgetting about the open window, and the fact she was basically undressed, as she snatched the dress from her father. "Daddy, it's so pretty!" she said happily, running eagerly behind her dressing screen. Thingy. Whatever you call that thingamajig you get dressed behind so nobody can see you. Anyway...  
  
"But Daddy, what good deed of justice have I done to deserve such a present?" she asked as the maids began helping her into the dress.  
  
"No apparent reason," Phil responded with a nervous chuckle.  
  
Amelia was just about to thank him again when one of the maids began tightening the corset. "GAAAHHHH! DADDY! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" she screeched as the maid pulled tighter and tighter. "CAN'T BREATHE! CAN'T BREATHE!"  
  
Gov. Phil raised an eyebrow. "Is everything okay, Amelia?" he asked slowly.  
  
"DOES IT SOUND LIKE EVERYTHING'S OKAY?! NO IT DOESN'T!" she replied before he could say anything. Her voice continually rose in pitch as she ranted until it abruptly died out altogether.  
  
"Amelia?" No answer. "Amelia?" Gasping.  
  
"Can't...breathe..." came the soft reply from behind the screen. "Going...to...die!" Phil rolled his eyes at her complaining; surely a corset couldn't be that bad, right? WRONG!  
  
At that moment another servant entered the room, interrupting the commotion. "Milord, it would seem that you have a visitor," he said with a suave bow.  
  
That sure was an interesting thing on the wall. Too bad it's broken now...I didn't break it! Nope! Sure didn't break that thing that's now...in the vase...hehe. Nope!  
  
Zelgadis Graywords stood in the foyer of the Seyruun mansion, calmly smiling as if he had nothing to do with the sudden disappearance of the thing on the wall. A servant passed by and he grinned even more, earning a suspicious look from the servant as he exited the foyer. Feeling quite guilty for having broken that...thing...he began to fidget nervously, tapping his foot and repeatedly wiping his hands on his pants. Hopefully they would not notice...  
  
At that moment Governor Phil came into view at the top of the staircase and noticed the chimera standing patiently below. Bah! Patient? Anything but! He's fidgeting like a convict! And we all know why, too!   
  
"G-good day, sir!" he stuttered, hoping he didn't sound too suspicious. "I have your broken thing—sword! Sword! And it's not broken! Hehe..." He grinned, trying to sound convincing. Apparently Phil didn't notice his odd behavior as he smiled and sauntered over to the long box on the table.  
  
The governor carefully removed the lid and gazed upon a beautifully and masterfully crafted slab of steel—sword. Sorry. "Commodore Zangulus is going to be very pleased with this!" he exclaimed as he lifted it into his hands and looked it over.  
  
"Could I?" Zelgadis asked, holding out his rocky blue hand for the sword, which Phil gave him reluctantly. "Observe! Perfectly balanced! The tang is nearly the full width of the blade!" he said proudly, balancing it on his right index finger. "And that's gold filigree laid in the handle!" Just to prove how good it really was, Zelgadis flipped the sword into the air, caught it gracefully and handed it back to Phil.  
  
"Yes, indeed! This is truly a wonderful piece of work! Do pass my complements onto Master Filia!" Phil exclaimed as he laid it back into its case. Zelgadis instantly froze and cast the governor a look that clearly asked, "Do you really believe 'Master Filia' has the capability of making something as great as this?" Phil didn't seem to notice, however, so he merely smiled and said he would happily tell her so. Dammit.  
  
"ZEL!" came a voice from atop the staircase, ruining Zelgadis's moment of anguish. He looked up and blushed a deep crimson at the sight of Amelia, looking radiant in her white flowered dress. Quickly she began to scramble down the stairs to see him; but, being the clumsy klutz she is, instead tripped over her own dress and toppled down the stairs, landing in an unceremonious heap at the bottom.  
  
After a few seconds of bewildered sweat dropping, Zelgadis immediately rushed over to help her get up and reorient herself. "Thanks!" she chirped merrily after she had gotten up and retrieved her bonnet from the floor.  
  
"It...it's nothing..." Zelgadis muttered, fully aware that his face was completely red.  
  
"I had a dream about you last night!" Amelia went on happily. "About the day we met! Remember? We found you floating in the water, sleeping on a plank! But, now that I think about it, why didn't you sink? I mean, you're made of rock..."  
  
Gov. Phil sweat dropped and noticed Zelgadis's discomfort with the odd question. "Is that entirely appropriate, Amelia dear?" he asked, hoping to stop her from embarrassing the boy further.  
  
She gave her father a miffed expression. "Fine..." she conceded. An awkward silence then proceeded to fall upon them.  
  
Phil, wanting very much to end this...awkwardness, promptly stated, "Oh my, look at the time! We need to get going, or we'll be late for the promotion ceremony!" He went to grab Amelia's arm, but she stepped back and leered at him, her hands on her hips.  
  
"What promotion ceremony?" she asked dangerously. "You never said anything about a promotion ceremony!"  
  
Phil smiled nervously. "Really, Amelia dear? I do think I mentioned it...Come on, we really need to be going!" he said through clenched teeth. Amelia didn't budge.  
  
"You mean you bought me this dress only to go to a promotion ceremony?! The injustice of it all! Lying to your own daughter!" she screamed, dangerously sharp fangs protruding from her mouth.  
  
Zelgadis, who had watched the entire episode, sweat dropped and decided it was time for him to leave. "Uh, have fun! I'll just...go," he said quickly, and then turned to run out of the mansion.  
  
Unfortunately, Amelia noticed his escape attempt. "No, Zel! Wait!" she cried out, running after the chimera. Phil took this moment to seize his daughter and drag her, kicking and screaming, mind, all the way to the carriage. With great difficulty he shoved her inside, entered and ordered the coachman to take off.  
  
Zelgadis blinked and watched the carriage rattle off down the dirt road, carrying the still screaming Amelia inside of it. He sighed, thinking about her, and immediately blushed.

* * *

  
  
ZX: Whew...finally done!  
  
Zelgadis: It's about time! It only took two rounds of the POTC soundtrack to write this thing!  
  
ZX: (sweat drop) Whadda ya expect? Great stories take time to write!  
  
Zel: Yeah, right.  
  
ZX: Anyway...please R&R! We greatly appreciate it!  
  
Zel: Sure, ya do.  
  
ZX: (glaring) Shut up, you! We DO appreciate reviews! Don't listen to him! (Clap hands over Zel's mouth)  
  
Zel: Muffle guffle raggle fraggle! 


	3. Captain Fruitcake

Thanks again for the reviews! Wow, 6 whole reviews! We are SO happy! Seriously! Keep on reviewing!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Again...not ours...none of it. Bah.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Captain Fruitcake  
  
"Can't breathe! Can't breathe! CAN'T BREATHE!" Amelia gasped, fanning herself rapidly as the carriage trundled along. Governor Phil gave her a smug look.  
  
"Well, if you hadn't been running and screaming back there, you wouldn't be tired," he told her matter-of-factly. Between gasps she glared at him.  
  
"I'm NOT tired, it's this stupid CORSET!" she exclaimed, fanning herself even quicker now after the outburst. Amelia began frantically tugging at the dress, hoping somehow that would loosen the demon corset and allow her to breathe. No such luck.  
  
Phil sighed as he watched his daughter attempt to destroy the dress in effort to remove the corset. "Honestly, dear, it won't work!" he said lightly, earning another glare.  
  
"GET IT OFF OF ME, DADDY!" Amelia screamed as loudly as possible as they traveled through town. All the citizens around them gawked at the carriage, wondering just what was going on in there...  
  
The governor sweat dropped and attempted to bring his daughter under control. Hehe. Didn't work. Amelia was so riled up by the dress and the stupid ceremony that she was completely out of control; not to mention, out of breath.  
  
Suddenly Amelia stopped in mid-rant and collapsed on the floor, a glazed look on her face. Phil panicked and began shaking her, trying to get some breath back into her small body.  
  
"Amelia, calm down and you won't be out of breath!" he exclaimed in frustration as she began breathing again. Reluctantly, Amelia acknowledged the fact there was no way she could escape neither the carriage, NOR the corset, NOR the dress, NOR the stupid promotion ceremony. She sat back in her seat huffily and gazed out the window, longing for freedom.  
  
Somewhere not far away, a certain someone was enjoying the freedom Amelia could not have. Enjoying it on the top of the mast of a little dingy in the ocean, might we add. Little rainbow eyes peered around at the water (though how he could see with closed eyes is beyond us!), and shoulder length purple hair flapped merrily in the breeze. Who is this, might you ask? Why, it's Captain Fruitcake!  
  
Err, Xellos, that is. But, as fate would have it, something just had to ruin his peaceful little moment. "My, my, a leak?" he asked, glancing down into the boat. Sure enough, water was seeping in rather quickly. Not good.  
  
"Ah, Lina, why'd I have to steal a faulty dingy from you?" he asked himself as he stood, grabbed the rope and attempted to jump down heroically, "Just like Jack!" Unfortunately, NOT like Jack. Xellos missed the rope by a few centimeters and went crashing all the way down to the bottom of the leaky boat.  
  
"But Jack did it in the movie!" he whined, face underneath the steadily growing supply of salt water in his boat. Xellos, you're not Jack. Get that through your fruitcakey head!  
  
As he stood up and grabbed a bucket, he caught sight of an old wooden sign flapping in the breeze, accompanied by skeletons of unlucky pirates. "My, my, what have we here?" he asked softly, squinting to read the words on the sign.  
  
_Pirates, Ye Be Warned! And Mozoku too!_  
  
"Hmm..." Xellos thought, staring at the sign, "somehow I think that last part was added just for me!"  
  
He shrugged and noticed that the leak was beyond repair, and the dingy was sinking rather quickly now. To avoid getting wetter, Xellos teleported to the top of the mast and stood there as the boat floated into the harbor.  
  
Workers in the harbor ceased their labor to watch the spectacle floating in from sea. A tall, purple-haired man stood on top of the mast of a sinking boat. Odd.  
  
"Just a little further!" Xellos thought as he neared the dock. As luck would have it, he made it just in time to step off the mast right before the dingy sank all the way into the water. "Looks like Lina isn't getting her boat back!" he thought cheerily, staring at it for a moment longer before taking off down the dock.  
  
"Wait just a minute, you!" the harbormaster yelled, pulling Xellos back from his escape. "It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock! And I need to know your name!"  
  
Xellos glanced at the sunken dingy. "_What_ boat?" he asked in irritation. Somehow, he just couldn't see how a sunken boat was considered tied up at the dock. And no way was he gonna pay for it either! Why, it wasn't his boat, after all!  
  
"_That_ boat, fruitcake!" snapped the harbormaster, pointing at the submerged dingy. Xellos's eye twitched.  
  
"That's not even _my_ boat! I shouldn't have to pay for it! After all, I _stole_ it!" he exclaimed without thinking. His last remark caused the harbormaster's eyebrows to shoot off of his head.  
  
"Really, now?" Xellos's face turned pink and a big grin spread across his face.  
  
"Uh, how about three shillings and you forget that last bit there?" he suggested, rummaging around in his pocket to produce the money. Instantly he slapped the coins down on the harbormaster's book.  
  
After a few moments of consideration, the man smiled and closed his book. "Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Fruitcake!" he said, turning and walking away. Somehow Xellos wasn't exactly satisfied with the name put down in the book, but it was better than the harbormaster turning him in for boat stealing. As he turned to continue on his merry way, he noticed a fat little purse sitting all alone on a barrel.  
  
"Shame, it needs a home!" Xellos thought happily, snatching the purse and stuffing it quickly into his pocket. "After all, I need retribution for the money I just wasted!" Feeling quite happy, the Mozoku priest walked along the dock, smiling to himself and humming an annoying little song: "Yo ho, yo ho, a Mozoku's life for me!".

* * *

ZX: Sorry this chapter's so short, but the next one will be a lot longer!  
  
Xellos: Why does everyone call me Fruitcake? Why why why why why?  
  
ZX: (sweat drop) Uh, take a guess...three, actually, and you won't need the other two.  
  
Xellos: (thinking hard) I give up, why?  
  
ZX: (face fault) Figures.....fruitcake.  
  
Xellos: NANI?! 


	4. He's a Pirate!

Thanks once again for all the reviews, we now have a total of 9! Yay! People like the story! Thanks to Earth Star, Ichiban Victory, and Akako for your reviews!  
  
DISCLAIMER: As you know, we own nothing...not until the Slayers gang pops outta your TV into the living room, that is!  
  
Chapter Four  
  
He's a _Pirate_?!

The drums and fife played merrily as the ceremony went underway. Amelia gasped, fanning herself uncontrollably in the heat of the Caribbean sun. And the discomfort that demon corset brought her! What did she care if Commodore Zangulus walked smugly between two rows of soldiers with their rifles pointed at him? Maybe she would get lucky, and one of the guns would go off, and then she could go home! No point honoring a dead guy, is there?  
  
Commodore Zangulus now received the sword Zelgadis had brought over earlier to the Seyruun mansion. Her father beamed proudly as the new commodore flipped the sword around smartly, displaying his unmatchable skill. How much longer would she have to endure this?  
  
Xellos stood near the harbor, surveying the various ships that he might later claim as prey. "That one over there would be nice," he said, looking at the _Dauntless_ appraisingly. His rainbow-shaped eyes shifted over nearby to a sleek little ship called the _Interceptor_. His eyebrows arched in interest. "My, my, choices, choices! That one's quite nice too!" he murmured.  
  
Since the _Interceptor_ was closer, and not out in the harbor, Xellos decided to check that one out first. As he made his way over to the ship with a happy smile on his face, his progress was suddenly interrupted.  
  
"This dock is off-limits purple-haired fruitcakey people!" a soldier with blond hair exclaimed importantly. Xellos opened one eye and stared at the man, who was flanked with a young woman.  
  
"I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know," he said apologetically. "If I see one, I'll let ya know." With that, he attempted to board the _Interceptor_ once again, but the girl got in his way this time. He noticed right away that her hair was purple.  
  
"Hey! She has purple hair, and you're not kicking her off the dock!" he complained, giving the blond soldier a pointed glance. The blond soldier scratched his head, a confused look dawning his face.  
  
"Uh, I never thought of that!" he admitted, turning to the girl. "Sylphiel, you're gonna have to leave!"  
  
She stared at him indignantly. "But Gourry dear, I am not a fruitcakey person! Therefore, I don't have to leave! He does, though," she said, pointing over at Xellos. Well, she would have been pointing at Xellos, had he still been standing there. While they had been arguing, he seized the opportunity to board the _Interceptor_.  
  
"Hey, you! Get away!" Gourry shouted, noticing the Mozoku priest standing at the helm. Xellos looked up innocently as Sylphiel and Gourry charged over to him.  
  
"Me?" he questioned with a stupid smile on his face. "Certainly you can't mean me!"  
  
"Well, I don't see anyone else here, do you, Gourry dear?" Sylphiel said, looking to Gourry for support. He scratched his head and looked around.  
  
"Nope!" he finally said, pointing his rifle in Xellos's direction, who was preoccupied with spinning the wheel in circles.  
  
"Who are you?" Sylphiel demanded roughly, jabbing the bayonet on the end of her gun in Xellos's chest.  
  
"Now, now, let's not get rough!" he said, backing away with an insanely cheery expression on his face, given the circumstances he was in.  
  
"Answer her question!" Gourry ordered, stepping beside Sylphiel.  
  
Both soldiers continued to glare and point their weapons at him, so Xellos sighed and gave up. "It's...uh, what was the name the harbormaster wrote down?...ah, yes! Name's Fruitcake! Or Fruity, if you like."  
  
"What's your purpose in Port Royal, _Mr. Fruitcake_?" Sylphiel asked snidely, taking a step towards Xellos.  
  
Xellos responded by putting his finger to his lips and saying, "Sore wa himitsu desu!" (Incase some readers aren't familiar w/ Japanese, it means 'that's a secret.')  
  
"We didn't ask you anything about secrets, mister!" Gourry growled, poking Xellos with the bayonet. "Now, _why are you here_?"  
  
"No lying either!" Sylphiel chimed in.  
  
Xellos sighed. "My, my, aren't we pushy? I confess. It is my intention to commandeer this fine ship upon which we now stand, pick up some pirate buddies in Tortuga and pilfer my measly black guts out!"  
  
Sylphiel gawked at him in shock. "I said no lying!" she exclaimed righteously.  
  
"Uh, I think he's telling the truth," Gourry said as Xellos raised his eyebrows at their stupidity.  
  
"Gourry dear, if he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!" Sylphiel said kindly to her companion.  
  
"Unless he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told it to you," Xellos quipped in the middle of their discussion. Sylphiel nodded her head in agreement, until, that is, she figured out exactly what he said.  
  
Back at the fort, the ceremony was completed, and now the only thing left to endure was the reception party. Amelia very much wanted a glass of punch; it was _so_ hot outside! Not to mention she was dying from that demon corset and dehydration. The ceremony had lasted just a little over fifteen minutes, after all, and that was over her capacity of endurance.  
  
She had just about reached her destination when a hand grabbed her arm from behind and lead her away from the drinks. She made a noise of sadness as she was dragged away from her prize and forced to stand at the edge of the fort, overlooking the ocean.  
  
"May I have a moment?" Commodore Zangulus asked politely.  
  
Amelia glared at him. "_Well, since I'm here already, I guess so_," she thought grudgingly, but instead said, "Of course!" However, this overexertion of precious oxygen left her gasping for breath.  
  
"You look lovely, Amelia," he said to her. All Amelia could do was gasp and try her best to smile at the compliment.  
  
"This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I haven't yet achieved," he went on, not noticing Amelia's frantic ripping at her dress to allow air into her lungs. "A marriage to a fine woman!" He turned to look at her, again overlooking her desperate actions to breathe normally. "_You_ are a fine woman!"  
  
"_Ick, that's disgusting! I can't marry someone old enough to be my grandpa_!" Amelia thought, but could not manage to say anything out loud. Zangulus turned away, a blush lining his face.  
  
"I...can't breathe!" she managed to sputter out before fainting and falling over the side of the fort towards the crashing blue waves below.  
  
"Yes, I'm rather nervous myself," Zangulus said stupidly, not aware that he was now alone. "Amelia?" he asked when she failed to respond. SPLASH! Zangulus peered down into the ocean below, noticing the large ripples breaking the surface. "AMELIA!" he exclaimed, ripping off his jacket and preparing to jump to her rescue.  
  
Lt. Milgasia came charging from behind and grabbed the commodore before he could leap off the cliff. "Sir, the rocks! It's a miracle she missed them!" he exclaimed, holding Zangulus back. For a split second the commodore stood gazing into the water below, then grabbed Milgasia and charged for the harbor.  
  
"...and that's the recipe for my special soup, strong enough to kill a golden dragon in one bite!" Xellos said proudly before his entranced audience of two. Their mouths were hanging open in delight; Sylphiel wondered how quickly she could whip up a batch, and Gourry wondered how quickly he could eat that entire batch.  
  
Suddenly the cooking lesson was interrupted by a splash nearby and a shout from the fort above. "My, my, who's going to save her?" Xellos questioned, earning dazed expressions from the two soldiers.  
  
"Huh?" asked Gourry, still in soup dream land.  
  
"I don't want to ruin my beautiful hair!" Sylphiel protested, latching onto it protectively.  
  
Xellos sighed and threw off his black coat, gave his hat to Sylphiel and stuffed his other things into Gourry's arms. "Pearl to the navy you guys are!" he snapped irritably as he executed a perfect swan dive from the ship into the water.  
  
Xellos knew he could easily teleport to where Amelia had sunk, grab her, and teleport back to the _Interceptor_, but that would arouse questions he'd rather not answer, so he did it the old-fashioned way. A few yards off he saw the girl lying motionless on the ocean floor, and he increased his speed to reach her.  
  
The Mozoku priest managed to get a hold on the girl and swim to the surface, but the dress she wore was too heavy and dragged him back under. As he swore colorfully and ripped off the dress, the golden medallion she wore was revealed. It pulsated and sent a curious ripple across the ocean's surface.  
  
Above on the Interceptor, Gourry and Sylphiel noticed this strange phenomenon and cast each other confused glances. "Does water normally do that?" Gourry asked, chin resting in his hand. Before the other could respond, a sudden, chill wind swept across the harbor and nearly blew their hats off their heads.  
  
"Look!" Sylphiel exclaimed, pointing to the dock nearby, where Xellos was attempting to drag himself out of the water without dropping Amelia back in it.  
  
Just as he accomplished this task they met him and dragged her onto the dock. "Uh, isn't she supposed to be breathing?" Gourry inquired, noticing that indeed, Amelia was not breathing.  
  
"Of course!" Xellos snapped, taking out his knife and cutting the strings on the demon corset and shoving it into Gourry's hands. Immediately Amelia came to life, choking and sputtering on sea water as she sucked in that delicious oxygen.  
  
"Never would have thought of that," Gourry stated, gazing at the cut-up corset he held.  
  
"You wouldn't have thought of a lot of things," Xellos commented wryly before noticing Amelia's medallion. He opened his violet eyes in interest and plucked it off her chest. "My, my, where did we get this?" he asked, giving the gasping girl a strange look.  
  
Before Amelia could respond, the sounds of footsteps and swords being drawn came from behind and a sword appeared in front of Xellos's neck. He slowly looked up into the glaring face of Commodore Zangulus. "On your feet!" he growled arrogantly, and Xellos meekly obeyed—for the time being.  
  
Governor Phil immediately rushed to Amelia and helped her off the dock, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. "Shoot him!" he ordered tightly, glaring at Xellos, who arched an eyebrow in surprise. Gourry, who had been holding the torn corset and was receiving plenty of odd looks, threw it down and pointed an accusing finger at Xellos.  
  
"Daddy, no!" Amelia shouted, surprised at the ease of which the words now came. He gave her a look clearly stating he thought she was deranged from the fall. "Don't kill him, he rescued me!" She added shrilly, quite enjoying being able to breathe while talking.  
  
Reluctantly the soldiers withdrew their swords and Xellos smiled at them, convinced he was safe for now. "I believe thanks are in order," Zangulus said, reaching for Xellos's hand.  
  
"NO TOUCHIE!" Xellos shrieked, recoiling from the contaminated hand of the commodore. Everyone stared at him as though he were insane. "Uh, I mean, sure!" he corrected himself, offering his hand to Zangulus.  
  
Instantly the commodore ripped open Xellos's sleeve, revealing a 'P' branded near his wrist. "Pirate, are we?" he asked, knowing full well without having to inquire. Xellos smiled, sweat dropping as well. Zangulus continued his inspection of Xellos's arm and found a tattoo of an 'X' and an 'M' on his forearm. "Mozoku, too? Xellos, isn't it?"  
  
"My, my, you're smarter than you look!" Xellos said snidely, taking his hand from Zangulus's grip. "And that's Captain Xellos, please."  
  
Zangulus was not amused in the least. "Well, I don't see your ship, _Captain_," he said mockingly.  
  
"That's because I'm gonna steal that one!" he said, pointing to the _Interceptor_. Everyone's eyes lit up in shock that he actually revealed his plans beforehand. "Err, I mean, I'm in the market!" Xellos quickly corrected, putting his hand behind his head and laughing nervously.  
  
Commodore Zangulus then took the liberty to inspect Xellos' effects. "No additional shots nor powder," he said, holding the pirate priest's pistol. "A compass that doesn't point north, hehe!" he added, holding up the 'broken' circular object. He reached for Xellos's sword and yanked it out of its sheathe, the familiar sound of a drawn sword reaching everyone's ears. "And I half expected it to be made of fruitcake," Zangulus commented, making the other soldiers laugh.  
  
Xellos smiled half-heartedly, itching to get his hands around that arrogant commodore's neck and squeeze squeeze squeeze squeeze SQUEEZE!  
  
"You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of!" Zangulus announced loudly. Xellos held up a finger, bringing the attention to himself.  
  
"Ah, but you HAVE heard of me!" he said in triumph, earning an annoyed look from the commodore.  
  
"Hang him!" Phil ordered, bringing attention from Xellos to himself. "He's a pirate, a Mozoku, _and_ he said he's going to steal the_ Interceptor_!"  
  
"Daddy, NO!" Amelia shouted as the soldiers once again aimed their rifles at Xellos. At that moment, Lt. Milgasia came back from the fort with a pair of irons, ready to clap them on Xellos's wrists. Commodore Zangulus grabbed the Mozoku and jerked him over to where Milgasia was standing.  
  
Amelia followed them huffily, letting everyone within a mile's radius that this was an act of injustice! Or so she thought, anyway. Poor deceived little girl... "Daddy, I _protest_!" she announced as Zangulus handed Xellos over to Milgasia. "Pirate, maybe, Mozoku, maybe, BUT HE SAVED ME!" she shrieked.  
  
Phil looked over at his daughter, standing defensively in front of the now cuffed Xellos. He was about to inform her that pirates must suffer the consequences of justice no matter what when Xellos threw his chain around her neck!  
  
"Lower your weapons!" Commodore Zangulus ordered, fearful that Amelia might get hurt.  
  
"My, my, I knew you'd warm up to me!" Xellos sniggered. "Now, bring me my effects!" No one made a move to bring him anything but a nice shot in the head. "Commodore!" he said sharply, glaring at Zangulus.  
  
Since he could do nothing else, and Amelia's life was at stake, Zangulus obeyed and called Gourry and Sylphiel forward. They deposited Xellos's stuff into Amelia's arms, and immediately he turned her around and told her to put them back on him.  
  
"Ah, it feels so wonderful to suffer for the sake of justice!" Amelia said dreamily as she slapped his hat onto his head. Xellos face faulted.  
  
"Uh, you're not supposed to be happy about this, you realize," he said frankly as she tightened his belt a little too tight. "Ah, easy on the goods, darling!" This particular comment earned a disgusted look from Commodore Zangulus, but Xellos was enjoying every minute of it.  
  
When she had completed her task, Xellos spun Amelia around and started backing away from the soldiers. "This is the day you will always remember as the day you ALMOST caught Captain Xellos!" he shouted, shoving Amelia into Governor Phil's arms. He retreated immediately, grabbed a rope, kicked a lever thingy, and shot himself up into the air.  
  
Unfortunately, that particular rope was attached to a barrel, and as said object struck the soldiers below, his head got hit with the beam supporting the rope. "Dammit!" he swore, trying to ignore the pain as he swung around the pole.  
  
"Now will you shoot him?!" Phil cried out, hugging Amelia tightly. Instantly all soldiers opened fire on the swirling figure above, though every shot missed its target.  
  
"I could make this so much easier for myself by just teleporting away!" Xellos thought to himself as he circled the post. "But that would take the fun out of it!" he decided, jumping onto a wooden plank, swinging his chain over a rope and sliding quickly down the dock.  
  
"After him!" Commodore Zangulus ordered. "Lt. Milgasia! Mr. Xellos has a dawn appointment with the gallows; I'd hate for him to miss it!" Milgasia got the gist and recruited fifteen soldiers to search for Xellos with him.  
  
Meanwhile, Xellos raced across the bridge after landing, evading shots fired in his direction. He charged recklessly into town, swinging his arms like a broken windmill. Upon arriving in town, he found a convenient hidey hole: a blacksmith's statue. Quickly he jumped behind it and put his sword in the empty hand, as though it belonged with the statue. His ruse appeared to work, for the soldiers that soon passed by took no notice of him. As soon as they left, Xellos came out of hiding but saw more soldiers heading in his direction. Without a second's hesitation he darted into the blacksmith's building, closing the door just as they passed by.

* * *

ZX: Well, you got what you asked for: a nice long chapter!  
  
Lina: When am I gonna appear in the story?! Gourry's there, Sylphiel's there, how come I'm not there?!  
  
ZX: (sweat drop) Patience, our dear sorceress! Your time shall soon come.  
  
Lina: Next chapter?  
  
ZX: Err...afraid not.  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!  
  
ZX: (charred) gasp...review? 


	5. Rock, Barn, Mozoku

ZX: (dodging knives, tomatoes and assorted fruit pies) We're sorry we haven't updated in like, two weeks!

Readers: Yeah, right! (launch more stuff at ZX)

ZX: (on knees, begging) Okay, we promise to update every other day or so! Is that good?

Readers: Okay. But you better do it!

ZX: (bowing) Thank you...  
  
DISCLAIMER: Yeah, yeah...we don't own none of it.  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Rock, Barn, Mozoku  
  
Xellos glanced around the building he had entered with distaste. "What a dump," he grumbled as he looked around some more. As he took a step forward, the chains on his wrists rattled and clanged, reminding him of their presence. "First order of business: GET _YOU_ OFF OF _ME_," Xellos said moodily to the chains. Clang, clang was the only response he got.  
  
Xellos then began to look around for a way to remove the parasitic chains. Believing that he was alone, he began to teleport quickly throughout the barn. "Nope, nothing here," he said at one end. "And, nothing here either," he said at another. Suddenly, he teleported in front of an anvil and noticed the hammer-thing sitting on top of it. "Peeeerfect!"  
  
Instantly he snatched up the hammer-thing and was about to begin banging on the chain when a loud thump sounded to his right. Xellos froze and stared around nervously like a kid caught raiding the cookie jar. He opened one eye tentatively and saw a blond girl sitting in a chair not far away, fast asleep. The mace he assumed she had previously been holding now lay on the floor.  
  
"Oooh! A mace! That could get these suckers off pronto!" he cackled happily, reaching over for it.  
  
"Blah blay, na nya blah blah!" the girl said incoherently as he attempted to remove the mace's handle from her hand. She sat up in her chair and looked around. Xellos froze, watching her warily and preparing to bolt if needed. But, luckily for Captain Fruitcake, the girl was merely sleep talking and soon slumped back into the chair, snoring.  
  
"Okay...that was scary," the pirate commented as he slowly backed away. He returned to the hammer-thing and began pounding on the chains with it once more. After about five minutes, the chains were still no closer to coming off than they had been before.  
  
"Ah...dammit. It's not working," he said, throwing the hammer-thing into an iron rod and knocking it down. His eyes lighted on the iron rod, then turned to the fire, and lastly fell upon the donkey in the corner, minding its own business and happily chewing on hay. Above it, there was a connection to the donkey and machinery that looked quite capable of breaking the ever-so-annoying chains.  
  
A quick dash to the furnace and an impatiently waited fifteen seconds produced an iron rod with a bright red tip. Laughing evilly, Xellos approached Mr. Donkey, twirling the rod like a baton.  
  
"I've got a little present for you, Mr. Donkey!" he cackled as the donkey looked at him questioningly, chewing its cud.  
  
"Sore wa himitsu desu!" he said, putting his finger to his lips in answer to Mr. Donkey's questioning stare. He made to walk away, and then turned around rapidly, striking Mr. Donkey on the butt with the hot tip of the iron rod.  
  
Mr. Donkey did NOT like this 'present' in the very least, and squealed loudly before he began walking around his little circle, causing the machinery above to start up. Clapping his hands and looking completely satisfied, Xellos approached one of the cogs and wrapped the chain around it. He followed the machine along its path and was soon rewarded with a loud crunching sound.  
  
"Hehe!" he said joyfully, holding up his two hands and admiring the broken chain. Suddenly, his joyful bubble of bliss was popped by the sound of the barn door being opened. Curious to see who it was, he dashed into the shadows and watched as a young man entered.  
  
"He's...blue," he commented as Zelgadis carelessly tossed his coat onto the ground and began checking his surroundings.  
  
"Hey, it's okay!" he said soothingly to Mr. Donkey, rubbing the animal's nose until it calmed down. Absently he wondered exactly why the donkey had been walking around in the first place, since it was the laziest beast on the face of the Earth.  
  
"Master Filia...still asleep, just like I left you," he commented upon passing the snoring girl in the chair. Zelgadis then approached the anvil and stared at it curiously. The hammer-thing was missing!  
  
He spied it close to the furnace, lying next to the iron rod on the ground. "That is _not_ how I left those!" he muttered in annoyance. Someone had been in _his_ barn, messing with _his_ stuff! They must surely die!  
  
He stalked moodily over to the hammer-thing and picked it up. As he turned to replace it, he was confronted with a smiling Xellos.  
  
"Hi!" Xellos chirped, the stupidest grin in the world plastered on his face. Zelgadis was not amused.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked coldly, considering chucking the hammer-thing at the strange person before him.  
  
"Oh, no one!" Xellos replied merrily, then reached over with lightning speed and snatched the hammer-thing from Zelgadis. "Just a pirate!"  
  
"A _pirate_?! I _hate_ pirates!" Zelgadis exclaimed, lunging angrily at Xellos. Before he could get any further, however, Xellos banged the hammer-thing down on his forehead.  
  
"Hehe," he said, fully expecting his opponent to fall over with a huge dent in his head. Instead, Zelgadis rubbed his head, crossed his arms, and gazed irritably at Xellos. "Huh? What?! The hammer-thing...you...head...huh?" he blabbered confusedly.  
  
Zelgadis snorted in disgust. "Okay, now that that's over...GET OUTTA HERE!"  
  
"Nope, afraid I can't do that," Xellos replied, tossing the hammer-thing behind him where it crashed loudly into a barrel. He abruptly grabbed Zelgadis by the shoulders and stared wide-eyed into his face. "_They're looking for me_!" he whispered mysteriously.  
  
Zelgadis blinked, and then irritably shoved Xellos away. "Well, then I'll be the one to take _you_ to _them_!" He then tapped his chin thoughtfully. "In fact, why don't I go get them right now? Yes! Good idea." As Zel turned and walked toward the door, Xellos reached over and grabbed his arm.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," he said conversationally, dragging Zel away from the door. "See, they'll toss me into prison if you do that. I don't like prison, savvy?"  
  
Zel blinked and rolled his eyes. "_I_ don't care if _you_ don't like prison! _I_ don't like _pirates_, so _you're_ going there whether _you_ like it or not!"  
  
"It's always about _you_, isn't it?" Xellos sighed as if he was the victim in this situation. "It's always _me me me me me_! '_I _don't like _you_, so _you're_ going to _prison_!'" he said mockingly.  
  
"Oh shove it!" Zel snapped, swiping Xellos's hand off of his arm as if it was a vile insect.  
  
Xellos thought for a moment, then brightened when an idea came to him. "Since you won't let me out the EASY way...we'll have to settle this the hard way! ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!" he shouted, taking up the rock, paper, scissors stance.  
  
"Yer on!" snarled Zel, mimicking Xellos's pose.  
  
"ROCK...PAPER..._SCISSORS_!" they both shouted out at the top of their lungs. Oddly enough, both of them held the symbol for 'paper.' They shared a glance, then mutually agreed to try it again.  
  
"ROCK...PAPER..._SCISSORS_!" came the shout again. This time, they both produced the symbol for 'rock.'  
  
"My rock beats yours!" Xellos insisted, waving his fist in Zel's face.  
  
"What are you talking about?! They're both the same!" Zel exclaimed angrily.  
  
"Okay, fine! We'll do it again!" Xellos agreed.  
  
"ROCK...PAPER..._SCISSORS_!" And, guess what? They both had 'scissors' this time. Both of them sweat dropped.  
  
"This is getting us nowhere!" Zel snapped, then turned and drew a sword from where it hung on the wall. "We'll settle this with swords!"  
  
"Fine by me!" Xellos exclaimed. "Sword, come forth!"  
  
Zel stared at Xellos with a sweat drop. "Uh...you might want to check on that sword of yours," he stated, suppressing a laugh.  
  
"Eh?" Xellos said, glancing up at his sword. Which was actually his wooden staff. He blushed. "Hehe! Stick!" he said, pointing stupidly at it.  
  
Zel blinked.  
  
"Okay..." Xellos said, shoving his staff into thin air, "...SWORD!" This time, he actually DID draw his weapon. Instantly he began swinging it about in many intricate maneuvers intended to intimidate Zelgadis.  
  
Zel merely smiled. "You honestly think you can hurt me with that?" he asked smugly.  
  
"Of course!" hollered Xellos, bringing the blade down on Zel's head. There came a sound like metal striking stone, and no scratch appeared on his opponent. "Huh?"  
  
"Look at me, idiot! I'm made out of rock! You can't hurt rock with that flimsy excuse of a sword!" Zel exclaimed triumphantly.  
  
"Ah. Okay, then I'll just be going now!" Xellos said smoothly, sheathing his sword and backing towards the door.  
  
Just as the Mozoku reached out to grab the latch, Zelgadis launched his sword at the door. It flew gracefully across the room and neatly lodged itself into the latch. Xellos gawked at the shaking hilt in surprise, then reached out and grabbed it. He then proceeded to attempt to pull it out of the door. No such luck. Then Xellos grabbed the latch and began frantically jumping up and down, but to no avail. The door remained shut.  
  
"Heh...nice trick," he said dangerously as he turned to face a smug Zelgadis. "But, now you _don't_ have a weapon, I _have_ mine, and you're _still_ blocking my way out! That altogether _MAKES ME MAD_!" he growled, taking a swipe at Zel.  
  
Zel nimbly jumped away and snatched the iron rod from in front of the furnace. It was still sweltering hot on the tip. Xellos's growl froze somewhat as Zel brandished it at him, and from behind, Mr. Donkey, still remembering quite well the nice little 'present' the rod had given him, began to walk in his circle, starting up the machinery.  
  
For a few minutes they took turns swiping at each other, then suddenly Xellos knocked the rod out of Zelgadis's hand. Zel immediately dove behind a rack of swords to avoid the slash Xellos had aimed at his head. He grabbed a sword and got up in time to parry a blow from the pirate.  
  
"Who makes all these?" Xellos asked as he poked at Zel and stared at all the swords in between attacks.  
  
"Me, of course!" Zel said proudly as he popped around the rack and narrowly missed jabbing Xellos's arm.  
  
"You need to find yourself a girlfriend!" Xellos said tauntingly as Zel grabbed another sword. Zel attempted to bring both weapons down on Xellos, but the pirate blocked the blow with his own sword. "Oh, wait, I forgot...YOU'RE A FREAK!" he shouted into Zel's face.  
  
"I _KNOW_ THAT!" Zel roared, trying to thrust Xellos away.  
  
"Haha, rock boy! No girl wants a rock for a boyfriend! At least, no NORMAL girl, anyway!" Xellos sang out, clearly enjoying the torment he brought upon his opponent.  
  
Zel responded with a snarl, taking a violent slash at Xellos, which forced him to jump onto a nearby board. Now, this board was special, mind. It had a barrel under it! So, when Zelgadis jumped onto the other end, the barrel rolled slightly and both balanced on each edge of the board.  
  
Suddenly, Zel shoved one of his swords through the dangling chain on Xellos's left wrist, grinned smugly, and thrust the sword into a wooden beam above them. "Hey! Not fair!" Xellos squawked, twirling around in an attempt to free his wrist. He swung wildly at Zel, who simply dodged; he figured that the sword wouldn't work, so he kicked Zel squarely in the face and sent him sprawling onto the floor. "Ow! My toe hurts! He really is made of rock!" he said to himself. The pirate then turned his attention to getting the sword unstuck from the wooden beam.  
  
Zel shook his head and leapt to his feet, ready to slice Xellos to ribbons. "Haha! Die!" he exclaimed. Unfortunately for him, the moment he stepped onto the board timed perfectly with Xellos dislodging the sword and falling onto his end of the board. The impact of Xellos's landing sent him about a mere foot off the ground, a pleasant surprise for Zel.  
  
"WHAT?! You were supposed to be tossed up there!" Xellos shouted, pointing at the beams above them. "Oh well. Come and get me!" he taunted, teleporting up into the beams as Zel charged at him.  
  
"What...?" Zel asked, looking around for his opponent.  
  
"Nya nya, I'm up here!" Xellos sang out tauntingly. Zel looked up into the rafters in time to see the pirate pull down his eyelid and stick his tongue out at him.  
  
"Grrr...you little!" he exclaimed, but before he could do anything else, Xellos cut a rope holding up a large sack of barrels and waved at Zel as they fell onto the raised end of the board.  
  
"Gaaahhhh!" Zel screamed as he was launched into the rafters. He latched onto a beam and glared at the Mozoku, who was rocking back and forth, smiling. When he noticed Zel's glance, he immediately pulled down both eyelids and spat his tongue at the chimera.  
  
"GGGGAAAAARRRRRR!" Zel exclaimed, scrambling up onto the beam and drawing his sword. "Cut it out before I do!" This comment caused Xellos to stop in mid-spit. He then sucked his tongue back inside his mouth and leapt out of the way of a swing from Zel.  
  
The two began fiercely exchanging blows, both attempting to keep their balance, when suddenly Zel sent Xellos's sword plummeting to the ground ten feet below. "Heh!" he said in triumph, preparing to take the final blow. Just at the right moment, however, the pirate teleported to the ground, far out of Zel's reach.  
  
With an angry grunt, Zel jumped down from the rafters and cornered Xellos, who was now standing on a stack of boxes. "Eee!" he squeaked as Zel came closer for the finishing blow, then noticed a sack of flour hanging nearby. "Take this!" he shouted, pouring it all over Zel.  
  
Gleefully Xellos kicked Zel's sword out of his grip and jumped down, drawing his pistol just as Zel looked up, his face caked with flour. "Bwhahahahaha!" Xellos erupted. "You look like a girl!" he taunted. There came a tint of pink beneath the white powder as Zel blushed angrily.  
  
"That won't hurt me, you know," Zel said, pointing at the pistol in an attempt to distract Xellos from Zel's face.  
  
"Oh, just shut up and pretend like you are afraid of it anyway!" Xellos snapped. The clicking sound that came next clearly signified that he was not joking. "Now...MOVE!"  
  
"No way in hell!" Zel retorted.  
  
"Now, now, watch your language!" Xellos reprimanded him.  
  
"Oh, so YOU can say 'dammit,' but I can't say h—"  
  
THWAK!  
  
Zel stared curiously at Xellos as a large mace was brought down neatly on his head, knocking him unconscious. After tottering in place for a few seconds, Xellos fell face forward onto the ground. Behind him stood a jubilant Filia.  
  
"I've always wanted to do that," she said with a wink at Zel as there came a banging at the door. In a matter of moments, soldiers had knocked down the door and swarmed into the barn, surrounding Xellos and pointing their rifles at him. Why, though, you may ask, seeing as how he is unconscious and unaware of their presence in the first place? Oh well...onward with the story!  
  
"Well done, Miss Filia! You have just assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive!" Commodore Zangulus congratulated Filia.  
  
"Oh, it was nothing! I'll do anything to help catch dirty, smelly Mozoku pirates like that!" Filia chirped happily, shouldering her mace and taking up a proud stance.  
  
Zel, who had actually done all the work, stood behind Filia, covered in flour and completely neglected.

* * *

ZX: So...how did you like it?  
  
Zel: Why do I have to get covered in flour and look like a girl??!!  
  
Lina: And why am I not in the story yet?!  
  
ZX: (sweat drop) Geez, guys, one thing at a time! (start fighting with Zel and Lina)  
  
Xellos: Well, since they're busy...r&r? Pwease? For ME? 


End file.
